by Lynn Sanders | Jun 1, 2018 | DMM Blog
Dear Friends,
I’m going to share something with you that no one outside my family has ever seen before. Yes, you’re getting something special to start the new year off with love!
In my earlier articles, I wrote about ‘Playing Big,’ ‘Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone’ and ‘Creating Mass Influence.’ I shared tips of honoring those who’ve touched your life. Then, I remembered something that happened to me over thirty years ago that’s still relevant today. I felt it would be worthy of an article.
In contemplating the year ahead, I want to give you the most relevant message for our world today… it can be summed up in three words: “LIVE IN LOVE.”
When I say “Live In Love,” do you know what author/teacher/speaker used those words? Who exemplified love in his work and life? Do you know?
To me, that man was the one and only Leo Buscaglia. He wrote the book on, “Love” and other love books, drawing upon his personal experiences and highlighting insightful leaders. He taught a course on love at USC, and spoke on national television to standing-room only audiences. Then, Leo gave hugs to EVERYONE after every talk. People stood in line eagerly just to get his hug! What an amazing man! I loved him. Everyone loved him. How could you resist? He was just loveable!.
As you can see, I happened to be one of Leo’s many fans. One day, inspired by his writing and television speech, I wrote him a little “Love Poem.” Then, I decided to go a step further.
This was in the early 1980’s, before most people used personal computers. I typed my letter and “A Love Note,” found Leo’s mailing address, and sent off my message. I never expected a reply.
But — Lo and behold… Leo wrote back to me! I couldn’t believe a celebrity of his stature would write to me — a total stranger! I remember whooping with excitement. WOW!
I got so excited that guess what I did? (Take a guess…) Being a writer, I felt the need to make the poem even better. So I tweaked my writing, and sent him back a second draft with another letter. Then — guess what happened?
Leo wrote back AGAIN! Yes! But I didn’t stop there. I couldn’t contain myself. So after a few months, I wrote Leo AGAIN! And — he wrote back AGAIN!
By now, I felt like we were becoming friends. I waited a little while, and then… I wrote Leo a fourth time! I admit, I wondered how long we could keep being penpals. He was a very busy man. But guess what? Leo wrote back a fourth time!
At this point, Leo gently let me know he needed to stop our correspondence. He had too much to do. I totally understood. I still treasure each of his four letters, and saved them in a scrapbook.
Since I want to keep this article at a reasonable length, I’ll just share the first two letters with you now. You can anticipate the next two letters in my future blog.
I believe dear Leo Buscaglia — whose spirit shines on us all – is glad that I’m able to share his words with you. I hope his letters give YOU encouragement to reach out, contact a favorite author, and let him or her know how much you appreciate their work. Everyone feels good being recognized. Yet how many people do that?
Listen, authors are real people — just like you — filled with hopes and dreams. They are touched when their writing is meaningful to you. They want you to be all that you can be! And if you choose to write a note, you never know what can happen…
1st note from Leo Buscaglia…. January 6, 1983
Dear Lynn,
Thank you for taking a moment to share your reaction to my work. It is important for me to know these things.
It is encouraging to find people who react positively to what I have to say. I realize it isn’t because I’ve discovered anything especially new – it’s more that we share the same recognizable humanity.
Again, I appreciate your taking a moment to contact me.
Warmly,
Leo
P.S. I was highly gratified by “A Love Note” – thank you for sharing it with me! I hope you will continue growing and becoming the very best ‘you.’
Second note from Leo Buscaglia… February 3, 1983 (One month later!)
Dear Lynn,
I received your two letters, one addressed to USC and the other to my box number. Thanks so much for your efforts to reach me and touch my life. You have.
Your second re-write of A Love Note meant a lot – how lucky to have my own poem! Your kind of support encourages me to continue on with my work.
I regret the lateness of my reply – I do hope you can understand my busy schedule. Certainly your kindness is appreciated.
Continue becoming all that you can – you are so much already!
Warmly,
Leo
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P.S. I’d like to offer an excerpt from Leo’s book, Living, Loving & Learning. You’ll see how loveable he is!
LEO: “If you want to see how alienated we’ve become, watch when a door of an elevator opens. Everyone’s standing like zombies, facing forward, hands to the sides. “Don’t you dare reach this way because you may touch someone.” Heaven forbid! So we all stand at attention and the door opens and then one gets out and another goes in and turns around immediately and faces forward. Who told you you had to face forward? You know, I love to walk in an elevator and turn around with my back to the door! And I look at everybody and I say, “Hi! Wouldn’t it be marvelous if the elevator got stuck and we could all get to know each other?” And then an incredible thing happens. The door opens on the next floor and everybody gets off! “There’s a crazy man in the elevator. He wants to know us!”
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P.P.S. Please let me know if you’ve enjoyed this article. I’d be MOST grateful if you send me your comments and share it with others. Thank you!
by Lynn Sanders | Jun 1, 2018 | DMM Blog
Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.” Brian Tracy
Do you remember days as a kid when you’d step outside your comfort zone just for the fun of it? You may have felt a twinge of fear, but you shook it off and took a chance on doing something out of the ordinary.
I’m going to admit something for the first time. One of my crazy kid activities back “then” (in the 60’s) was making phony phone calls. Now, I didn’t do this every day or even every week. No – it was a social activity that kids would do with their friends. Just like getting together to play outside. We’d do it to see how strangers would react to our call at the other end of the line.
Phony calls like that could never be attempted now. With caller ID and the ability to trace calls, anyone can track you down. Back then, nothing like that existed. In fact, we all used dial phones. You’d put your finger in a hole next to the digits, and move the dial all the way around to the little metal stopper. Each turn of the dial represented a specific number. But there was a way to confuse the dial phone!
If you didn’t move the dial all the way to the end, and just wiggled it back and forth, the phone registered a mystery number. You didn’t know what that number was. At the time, before telephone solicitors and answering machines, everyone answered their phone if they were at home. Really!
Eventually, after seven numbers were registered – (no area codes needed), the phone would ring. Our hearts would pound as we heard an expectant, “Hello?”
We spoke in a fake voice, making up a name of someone we were supposedly trying to reach.
“Hello! Is _____ (insert name) there?” we’d ask, stifling our giggles.
The stranger at the other end of the line would inevitably answer, “Noooo… there is no one here by that name.” They were polite, and so were we.
“Thank you!” We’d hang up the phone, bursting into contagious laughter. Then we’d gather our courage, and do it again.
In some cases, we’d engage in a conversation with a stranger. It was daring. We might even tell the stranger the truth — that we were making calls just for fun, but they didn’t seem to mind. We had no ulterior motive. We just wanted to talk. At the time, with no telephone solicitors, I imagine our silly calls gave some people a chuckle.
The reason I expound about my cold calling adventures is because making a call to a stranger now can still feel like a scary process. What happens if the other person gets angry? How does one capture their interest immediately? What can we do to engage them in a relationship?
There is a right way and wrong way. What’s most important is our intention. Why are we calling? Are we offering a benefit or just pushing a service at a stranger?
About a year ago, I was looking for a high-level “difference maker” to be a featured guest on my online program, “The Difference Makers Summit.” Through research, I discovered Teresa de Grosbois, a 4x best-selling author and international speaker. Her latest book, “Mass Influence: The Habits of the Highly Influential” is considered a step-by-step guide to becoming an influential thought leader. The more I read, the more I was impressed.
Teresa is also the Chair of The Evolutionary Business Council, where she leads an international, invitation-only council of speakers and influencers to principles of success. She would be an ideal guest, but did I dare invite her?
I looked up her number, took a deep breath, and called her – cold! Amazing as it sounds, she picked up the phone. While I didn’t have a script in front of me, I knew what I wanted to say. I let her know how I found her and that I wanted to interview her as a guest on my online show. I did my best to be succinct. Would she accept and share her wisdom with my online audience?
Teresa paused and I relaxed into the silence. No pressure. After a few moments, I heard her say gently, “I have a feeling I should do this.” I was thrilled. Teresa also complimented me on being one of the best cold callers she had ever had! Somehow, I instinctively handled the call correctly. Maybe it was from my early training as a kid.
What I learned from Teresa was – if you want to attract an influencer, “introduce yourself with intention.” Another tip: “You become a leader within your industry by coming from a place of service and generosity.”
Our interview went well, and if you’d like to watch the show, feel free to visit: http://bit.ly/DMS5-Influence
I’ve read Teresa’s book twice and plan to read it again. It’s really terrific. In another blog, I’ll share more of Teresa’s wisdom. She is a master at influence because she is a giver at heart. She even gave me a free digital copy of her best-selling book, “Mass Influence” to help promote my children’s book to a best-selling status. (I still bought the paperback copy on Amazon.)
You can receive Teresa’s digital book, “Mass Influence” for free by subscribing on my book site: http://www.DancingWithTex.com. Want to learn how to make your book a best-seller? Check out Teresa’s free four week program — “From Flame to Fame,” by visiting: http://www.teresadegrosbois.com.
So play big! You never know what can happen…”
by Lynn Sanders | Jun 1, 2018 | DMM Blog
Do you know what’s the most precious resource in the 21st century?
It’s something right in front of our noses.
We feel its urgency calling to us from the troubling news headlines, from satirical Saturday Night Live episodes, and from a collective heavy heart that many of us are carrying right now.
We wonder about it almost constantly. The need for this resource rises up before us, like a long-forgotten friend. It’s a yearning that tugs at the corners of our days. I find it in short supply when I talk to new prospects on the phone.
The word is simply: TRUST.
The need for trust is greater than ever.
How can anything be built without trust?
It starts within each of us – with a commitment to do our personal best in affirming and building trust among our relationships.
I know it’s not always easy. But everyday we touch the lives of different people. Our attitude and actions make a difference. How do we choose to act towards others? What words do we choose? While we can’t necessarily change their behavior, we can certainly be aware of our own tone and behavior.
As the Dalai Lama said, “We must all live harmoniously with our neighbors. Your happiness depends upon it.”
I recently pulled a book from my shelves that had sat dormant for several years. It’s “The Trust Edge,” by David Horsager, a book I received in 2009 and just started reading it again. It’s definitely a “must-read” book for our world, and I feel it has something valuable to offer everyone.
Horsager offers an indepth and revealing study into how to build the foundation of genuine success on trust. He demonstrates that trust is quantifiable, and he then teaches readers how build the “Eight Pillars of Trust.”
The book uses a conversational voice, with plenty of examples, a recap of highlights at the end of each chapter, and questions to contemplate. I’d like to share some of Horsager’s wisdom with you.
“Most people seldom talk about trust as a competency to learn and practice.”
But you can learn to build trust!
Based on extensive research, Horsager discovered the common elements of the most trusted leaders and organizations. “Everything of value is built on trust,” he said, “from financial systems to relationships.” (In contrast, we’re now seeing the impact of a lack of trust in a major scale.)
What are the benefits of having the “trust edge?’
* Expanded influence * Increased morale * Greater productivity * Increased commitment * And greater results.
People also find more peace and freedom at home, and teachers experience more respect, impact and classroom control. Wouldn’t that be worth working for? So, how do we begin to reach that level of trust?
The key is – we must take responsibility for ourselves.
“While trust may appear to be static, trust is more like a forest – a long time growing, but easily burned down with a touch of carelessness.”
Trust CAN be tangible and measured!
As Horsager mentions, trust is a natural result of “thousands of tiny actions, words, thoughts and intentions.” It’s someting we all need to work on.
Think about the time when you promised someone you’d call them… were you able to keep your word? There are so many things we all can be aware of to improve our own integrity.
Here are the Eight Pillars Of Trust….for “better relationships, reputations, retention, revenue and results.”
- CLARITY: “People trust the clear and mistrust the ambiguous.”
- COMPASSION: “People put faith in those who care beyond themselves.”
- CHARACTER: “People notice those who do what is right over what is easy.”
- COMPETENCY: “People have confidence in those who stay fresh, relevant and capable.”
- COMMITMENT: “People believe in those who stand through adversity.”
- CONNECTION: “People want to follow, buy from and be around friends.”
- CONTRIBUTION: “People immediately respond to results.”
- CONSISTENCY: “People love to see the little things done consistently.”
Ultimately your courage in taking action and becoming trustworthy will lead others to follow in your footsteps.
To move forward, we need to take one step at a time and persevere through challenges.
“Be a clear, compassionate, high-character, competent, committed, connecting, contributing and consistent leader. When you are, you will enjoy the foundation of all genuine and lasting success, the trust edge.”
It seems so long ago when I first heard David Horsager speak on stage, sharing the tips from his book. I was fascinated by his insights, and at the same time, I wondered how it was even possible to do a study on trust. Isn’t trust something that most people should instinctively know what to do? Not so.
Each day, we have choices about how we live in that moment.
We’re given the gift of the “present.” It‘s up to decide how to use it. We can choose actions that create trust… especially in how we listen and respond to others.
It is my deepest hope that as we move forward into a new year, we stand up for justice in our world… doing what is right to be kind and loving to each other… and having compassion for those who need our help.
As Horsager suggests, “Show people they can trust you, and most often they will.”
by Lynn Sanders | Jun 1, 2018 | DMM Blog
Dear Friends,
If you were a series of letters, with a clever mind of your own
You might consider hiding from a friend, who tended to be mishap prone.
“It was just a week ago,” Lynn moaned, ”I held Leo’s letters in my hand.”
But she put them down absent-mindedly, and they sailed off to a distant land.
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Lynn never bothered to tell you the facts, but as her conscience, I’ll confess,
When she first looked for Leo’s letters, her search unearthed quite a mess!
She opened a closet of twenty scrapbooks, and boxes from ceiling to floor,
It took about an hour of digging, till she found what she was hunting for.
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She held those letters close to her heart, and gratefully wrote with glee,
“What a precious gift from Leo Buscaglia! These letters must stay close to me!”
Lynn’s article flowed as smooth as wine, until the hour got late.
“I’ll write my second part next week,” she said. “I’m sure this writing can wait.”
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With a resolute mind and good intentions, Lynn carefully put the letters away,
But with an impish smile, the letters said, “Let’s indulge in mischief today!”
They hid so well that Lynn sends regrets… because the piece she meant to write
Will now have to wait for another week, until Leo’s letters return to her sight.
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It’s really quite embarrassing, but there’s nothing more she can do,
I hope you’ll give her encouragment. She meant to write her best for you!
Sincerely,
Lynn’s Conscience
(P.S. Here’s a photo of Lynn at a happier, more relaxed time… She hopes to recapture that feeling soon.)
P.S. Does any other writer have to deal with this type of situation? If so, how do you handle it? I’d be very happy to get your advice. Thank you!
by Lynn Sanders | Jun 1, 2018 | DMM Blog
The power of love transcends time and space.
It’s invisible. Intangible. Yet a very real connection that exists between us all…. even beyond our mortal lives.
I want to share my letters from Leo Buscaglia because they represent more than just words on a page. They represent integrity, character and a loving perspective of seeing the connection among us. Something our world needs right now.
When I wrote my third letter, I had asked Leo for one of his favorite recipes, which would be used for my dad’s fundraising cookbook to help Vietnam veterans.
Before the days of computers, my dad, Dr. Gil Bogen, Chief of Staff at a local V.A. Hospital and founder of a nonprofit, Vetline-Hotline, decided to create a cookbook, that would serve as a source of funding for Vietnam vets affilicted by Agent Orange. (Agent Orange was a herbicide used by our U.S. military, which contained the toxic substance dioxin.) My dad wrote letters for recipe requests to a wide array of famous people: from legendary Bob Hope to the Queen of England. I offered to contact Leo. Sure enough, Leo responded. (Even though the cookbook project never happened, we four kids learned a great lesson in going after a goal.)
Leo’s third letter…
June 20th, 1983
Dear Lynn,
Please excuse the long delay in getting back to you. Between my writing and traveling schedule, and the mountains of mail to answer since my TV appearances, I’ve gotten a bit behind! It’s getting more and more difficult to answer letters as I would like. I hope that you understand.
I am happy to assist in your father’s very worthwhile project and am including the photographed photo and recipe (it’s easy and delicious!) as you requested. Please wish him all my best!
I hope that since your letter, your life has settled down a bit and that your husband’s back is well mended by now.
Again, thank you so much for writing and caring.
Warmly,
Leo
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A few months passed. Something stirred within me to write to Leo again.
Leo’s fourth letter…
Now, thirty years later, I don’t know why I wrote to Leo again. I think it was because it felt so thrilling to read his words. I loved holding his personal nuggets of wisdom in my hand. Despite his international fame, this very busy man cared enough to personally answer me back! How amazing! He signed each letter in blue ink, with a bold, “Leo.” Each envelope was stamped with a colorful design. One envelope had a pink heart surrounded by a profusion of pink hearts; another bore an oak leaf, and a third depicted a clump of trees. Each graphic touch demonstrated his attention to detail. He cared to make each letter special.
I’d like to share this final letter because it’s a gracious example of how to gently disengage from a correspondence. Even his “goodbye” to me was beautiful.
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October 20, 1983
Dear Lynn,
It was such a pleasure to hear from you again and to know that you received the recipe for your father’s collection. I think it’s a good one, even though it’s not Italian!
And I am delighted to know that you are taking risks and making some important changes in your life. I guarantee you’ll be more for it!
I hope your stay in Los Angeles was a good one; if you called USC, I’m sure you were told of my 2 ½-year leave of absence. Perhaps we will meet another time.
It has been good hearing from you – though at times, my mail has been almost overpowering. I do want you to know that, at least for the next year, my personal correspondence will have to come to an abrupt end. Happily, I shall be off to parts unknown for most of 1984. I need a time for me when I can get totally away. Since I know you care, I’m sure you will understand.
Continue to live in love and share your warmth and beauty with the many who need it.
Warmly,
Leo
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What a loving man! He cared enough about a stranger — me — to gently let me know he wouldn’t be able to write for awhile. That loving personality was the reason why people stood in long lines after his public speeches, just to get a hug from him.
In closing, I’d like to share Leo’s advice from his book, “Living, Loving & Learning.”
(p.258) “We’re more alike than we are different. All of us feel that. We need to have those bridges built between you and me, because we need each other. And the real you of you can only really grow with all of the bridges intact of me, of someone else, of the person next to you. All of us feeling the same thing.”
(p.262) “Choose the way of life. Choose the way of love. Choose the way of caring. Choose the way of hope. Choose the way of belief in tomorrow. Choose the way of trusting. Choose the way of goodness. It’s up to you.”
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Brief bio of Leo Buscaglia from “The Sons Of Italy Blog.”
Leo published his first book, LOVE, in 1972. He went on to publish thirteen more books on love, living and learning. His books were translated into more than 20 languages and 5 of his books were on The New York Times Bestsellers List simultaneously. His taped lectures were aired on PBS and he was invited to speak on talk shows around the world. He was often stopped by fans while he was walking down the street and readily doled out hugs to anyone who asked. Leo continued to tour and give lectures until his death in 1998.
Thanks for reading my article. If you like it, please share it with your friends. As Leo reminds his audiences, “Your greatest responsibility is to become everything that you are…”
